Violence at school and online - how to protect your child in the age of smartphones and WhatsApp groups?

Violence at school is no longer just about pushing someone during recess or making fun of them at the desk. Today, part of "school life" has moved to the Internet - to WhatsApp, Messenger, Discord, TikTok. A child can come home, close the door... but the violence often follows him in his pocket, on his phone.

In this text we explain:

• what is verbal and physical violence at school,

• what role do smartphones and instant messaging groups play,

• how to recognize that a child needs help,

• what exactly can a parent do – step by step,

• when and how to respond at school and with specialists.

1. School violence – not just bruises

School violence is mainly associated with pushing, beating, and taking things away. This is important, but violence is equally dangerous:

• verbal – insults, ridicule, humiliation in class,

• relational – excluding from the group, ignoring, spreading gossip,

• Digital (cyberbullying) – offensive messages, memes, photo alterations, hate in class groups, publishing compromising materials.

For a child, a word wound can hurt just like a physical wound - but it cannot be seen with the naked eye.

2. The role of the telephone, WhatsApp and social media groups

The phone itself isn't bad - it's a tool. The problem starts when:

• closed class groups are created without a teacher or parents,

• someone starts a "funny group" where memes about a specific child are posted,

• messages are deleted before an adult sees anything,

• the pressure of "being online" means that the child encounters violence all the time - not only at school, but also at home, in the evening, on the weekend.

In practice it looks like this:

"They kicked me out of the class group", "They started a separate group about me", "They posted my photo from the changing room" - these are alarm signals that cannot be underestimated.

That's why today, talking about child safety is not only about school, but also about the phone and the Internet.

3. How to recognize that a child is experiencing violence?

A child rarely comes and says directly:

"Mom, I am a victim of peer violence."

Usually sends signals:
• doesn't want to go to school, often simulates illnesses,
• comes back subdued, silent, nervous,
• suddenly changes in grades, loses motivation,
• hides the phone, quickly locks the screen when someone approaches,
• is tense in the evenings, glued to the smartphone, can cry or get angry after news,
• avoids contact with old friends, explains "they are strange", "I don't want to do it anymore".

Important:

these behaviors dont alwaysconsist of violence, but they are worth paying attention to. It's better to ask too much than too little.

4. How to talk to a child about violence? (key rules)

4.1. Peace instead of interrogation

Instead:

"What's going on? Who did it? Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"

better:

"I see that something is bothering you. I want to understand what's happening and help, without judging."

The child must feel that he or she will not be punished for what he or she says - even if he or she has also made a mistake.

4.2. Don't blame the child

Comments like:

• "We had to give them back"

• "Why did you write to them?"

• "Don't exaggerate, children have fun like that"

they make the childclose themselves to the futureand next time they won't say anything.

Instead:

"The way they treat you is not okay. No one has the right to treat you like that."

4.3. Ask specifically about the phone number and groups

• “Is someone writing something rude to you on WhatsApp/Messenger?”

• “Are there groups where you have been kicked out or where they laugh at you?”

• “Is anyone posting your photos, memes, videos?”

Don't make it an interrogation - rather a calm series of questions, preferably during a walk (walking, driving, going out together).

5. What to do step by step when a child experiences violence?

Step 1. Secure the evidence

In case of verbal/digital violence:

• takescreenshotsof messages, posts, photos,

• save dates, times, group names, nicknames, phone numbers,

• do not remove the materials - they may be useful in conversations with the school, and in extreme cases also with the police.

In case of physical violence – if there are traces:

• take photos,

• if necessary, consult a doctor (medical documentation is also evidence).

Step 2. Talk to the school

• Make an appointment with the educator or pedagogist/school psychologist.

• Bring printed or saved evidence (screenshots, description of the situation).

• Be specific: what, when, who, how often - instead of a general "they are laughing at him".

At the meeting:

• ask what the school's action plan will be (conversations, mediations, classroom observation, work with the other party's parents),

• ask forfeedbackafter a few days/weeks.

If the school downplays the problem - ask about anti-mobbing / anti-violence procedures and consider contacting the school board. This is a last resort, but sometimes necessary.

Step 3. Establishing rules for using the phone

It's not about taking your child's smartphone away "as a punishment" - this often isolates them even more. Better:

• set offline hours (e.g. no phone during meals, turned off at night),

• discuss how to react: "if someone insults you - don't engage in a discussion, take a screenshot, block it, come to me",

• set safer privacy options in applications,

• clearly say: "You have the right to say NO to a group in which you feel bad."

You can also look through the list of groups and contacts together -but don't make a raid of it. Better:

“I want to see how you use it so I can better understand your world.”

Step 4. Emotional support and specialist

If you see that your child:

• he can't recover for a long time,

• has problems with sleep, anxiety, avoiding school,

• thoughts appear such as "I am hopeless", "I don't want to live",

Be sure to contact a child psychologist/psychotherapist.

The effects of violence cannot always be undone by the parent's good will and conversation alone. Professional help is not a shame - it is an investment in your child's health.

6. How to prepare a child for the realities of the Internet?

Instead of scaring:

"The Internet is bad, people are terrible"

it's better to teachspecific rules:

1. Don't share nude/semi-nude photos - even to "close people".

2. Don't take photos/recordings of your colleagues in compromising situations - this is also violence.

3. If someone writes something to you and then you feel shame, fear, pressure - it's a signal to come to your parent/adult.

4. Everyone has the right:

   • leave a toxic group,

   • block contact,

   • ask for help.

7. What can a platform like SpotMeUp do?

If you run a platform (like SpotMeUp) that connects children/youth with activities, clubs and classes:

• you can promotesafe online contact rules,

• buildconscious communities – with regulations prohibiting hate and violence,

• give children and parentseasy contactto the organizer/trainer in case of a problem,

• cooperate with psychologists/educators who can prepare materials and webinars about online safety.

A child who has a safe environment outside of school - at training, extra-curricular activities, workshops - copes much better with peer difficulties.

8. The most important thing: the child cannot be left alone

Finally, the simplest but most important sentence:

Violence – physical, verbal or digital – is never a “normal part of growing up”.

Your role as a parent/guardian:

• notice the signals,
• give your child a safe space to talk,
• react – at school, online, with a specialist.

You don't need to know all the recipes and all the applications. It is enough for the child to know:

"I can come to my parent with any problem - he won't laugh at me, he won't yell at me, he will just help."

This is the most effective "anti-violence technology" we have.